Monday 24 October 2022

It's bards all the way down

I'm almost certain our gaming group fell victim to some Chinese curse, because everyone (except for me) wanted to play something based on Chinese literature, mythology and demonology, and we couldn't gather and do it for weeks or maybe months. 

I suppose yesterday the curse took a day off or something, because a very Chinese artistocrat (child of a cursed dynasty with uncertain gender characteristics, partially because of the curse, partially because people are generally not very nice), a very Chinese paranormal investigator (I keep thinking of him as Chinese Fox Mulder, because a) he's looking for his lost sister, b) on the way he's looking into strange disappearances and c) government denies knowledge), and a monk (that was me) got together in a little village. 

Now, the aristocrat is a master of swordfighting, and also carries around a bag of holding with a pipa (which is, I'm told, a traditional Chinese musical instrument) in it. He uses the pipa for magic. 

If you ask me, he's a bard is what he is. 

Personal notes: playing Friar Tuck in ancient China is not as good of an idea as it might seem (what, you thought he was a different kind of monk?). However, it is a great opportunity for adding some "Good dogs, such good dogs!" to your roleplaying activities, which is super. The dogs were named Wolfe, Gray, Sheriff, Knight, and King Arthur. And they never had a chance to catch an arrow in mid-air, which I kind of hoped for. 

Anyways, before we got to playing, we discussed the current issues, the war, the russians, and the fact that almost every russian musician in the role-playing circles posted some kind of shit about how great russian/soviet army is/was and how they destroyed fascism with one arm tied behind their backs and so on. 

To quote Zak Smith, bards suck. 

And between the current issue discussion and playing, we tested out the God Generator that I've mentioned before. Zak Smith made it as part of his Cube World, and I brought it to test it in the group. How did it go? Well... 

Zak's not wrong.  


We ended up with a one-armed very fat dinosaur wearing a long dress made of meat and/or slime  and carrying a candle who was the god of love and gambling. 

Also a very fit one-handed demon who decorated himself with organs of defeated foes. 

"It says here that they're heads or skulls or other organs". 

"Dicks. Definitely dicks". 

"If you say so, it's your deity". 

Also the demon was the lord of all octopodes, and he turned out to have multiple romantic affairs with other members of his pantheon. 

"The other members of your pantheon are... all animals". 


"Well, they're gods, right? So they can give consent?" 

"I think so". 

"Okay, then it's all cool". 

And finally, we had a god from another planet whose basic shape was a fetus with moustache, holding a lute and a lightning, who ate his worshippers. Metal as fuck. He was declared to be the patron deity of hard rock. 

And bards.

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